September 3, 2026
Thursday, September 3
We saw yesterday that forgiving others begins with identifying with them. We, too, are sinners who are often in need of forgiveness. Saying this doesn’t minimize the damage their sin has caused you. It’s not a casual “nobody’s perfect.” In fact, true forgiveness stares the scandal of sin squarely in the eye. In other words, true forgiveness means absorbing the cost of the sin. This is the heart of forgiveness. The King in the story cancelled the man’s debt. But in doing so, the King absorbed it himself.
That’s true anytime there’s a sin. For instance, let’s say a friend is staying at your house and accidentally starts a fire that burns the place to the ground. Afterward, full of guilt, your friend offers to pay the deductible of your home insurance. You love your friend, and you know he can’t afford to pay, so you forgive him outright. But your forgiveness doesn’t make the deductible magically go away. You will pay that cost, or else you bear the greater cost of not having a house. Either way, forgiveness means you absorb the cost of his mistake.
Let’s try a non-financial example: A co-worker suddenly embarks on a campaign of gossip and slander against you. You hear about it, and are deeply hurt. Forgiveness is you saying, “I won’t make you pay for that. Sure, I will do my best to correct the lies you spread, to repair my reputation. But I’m not going to talk badly about you, even if I know embarrassing things I could share. I won’t listen while others trash-talk you, passively agreeing with them. I won’t even allow myself to hate you internally, to hope for something bad to happen to you, or indulge in imaginary conversations in which I tell you off in front of everyone. When those thoughts come up, that will be my signal to pray for you instead. I will treat you with kindness. I will absorb the cost, even if it means people think I’m weak, or that you won.”
Put this way, forgiveness has nothing to do with how you feel. This is why it’s not a valid excuse to say, “I am still angry. I still hurt too much. I’m not ready to forgive.” You can be hurt and angry and still choose not to get vengeance. You can choose to absorb the cost and not make the other person pay. In fact, I have learned that when you absorb the cost of someone’s sin against you even while you’re still angry and hurting, it makes the anger and hurt go away much sooner.
If you’ve ever used a pressure cooker, you know that before you can open the lid and enjoy the mashed potatoes inside, you have to let out the steam, to release the pressure. That’s how it is in our relationships. Sin puts up a barrier between us and others. If you take no action, that bitterness stays around, like the steam in a pressure cooker. But when you choose to identify with them and absorb the cost, by not pursuing vengeance, it’s like releasing the steam. The anger seeps away and, eventually, is gone.
“Heavenly Father, please show me who I’m holding grudges against. Show me where there is pressure of bitterness between me and someone else, and help me to absorb the cost, for the sake of your great name. Amen.”
Senior Pastor
First Baptist Conroe
More from Pastor Jeff at his website: jeffbergerwriting.com
