September 25, 2026
Friday, September 25
What if I can’t find a way to forgive? What if that root of bitterness is jammed so deep in my heart, I can’t stop hating them for what they did? Start by deciding to forgive them. Forgiveness is granted before it’s felt. Then remember that forgiveness isn’t just a decision; sometimes it’s a journey as well. It’s a journey well worth taking, so don’t be discouraged if the hurt takes a while to fade. But above all, recognize that forgiveness can’t be done on our own. Like digging up the stump of a tree, we need more than our own elbow grease and a shovel. Some external power—a tractor and a thick chain, for instance—is often what we need. In the same way, when we struggle to forgive, call on God. Tell Him that you want to obey, but you’re struggling. And pray for your enemy, while you’re at it. Jesus commanded us to do that. We can pray for good things for them, even if in our hearts, we still don’t like them.
There’s a third kind of prayer that’s often needed when someone has wronged us: pray for wisdom. Forgiveness isn’t always simple. For example, if a crime has been committed, should you report this to the authorities? On Tuesday, I mentioned Rachel Denhollander, who forgave the man who assaulted her under the guise of treating her injuries. But Denhollander also publicly exposed his crimes. Her courage inspired dozens of other young athletes to come forward. God only knows how many little girls were spared. Her forgiveness was genuine, as you could see from her statement at the trial. She urged and prayed for Larry Nassar to repent and be saved. She did not take vengeance. But she protected others.
On the other hand, if your next-door neighbor accidentally runs into your mailbox, you probably don’t need to call the cops. If you do, you’re most likely more motivated by anger and vengeance than by a righteous desire to protect society from a criminal. We need wisdom to know when to expose the wrongs someone else has done, and when to keep them to ourselves. But either way, we need to forgive.
Here’s another reason you need wisdom: Should you trust this person again? For example, if you have escaped an abusive relationship, forgiveness means you don’t seek revenge, and you pray for your abuser, but it doesn’t mean you go back, and expose yourself to more abuse. For another example, f you confide in someone and they betray you, sharing your secrets with others, you can forgive them, but you probably won’t tell them any more secrets until they regain your trust.
Here’s a third reason you need wisdom: Should you warn others about this person? Sometimes the answer is yes. But you must be careful to be sure you’re not actually getting revenge, tearing this person’s reputation down while disguising it as warning others. It takes wisdom to know the difference.
Prayer isn’t the only way we get help to forgive. Often, we will need to lean on God’s people. In especially painful times, it’s lifesaving to have a few trusted Christian friends who we share our pain with, who pray for us and weep alongside us. Please note: I don’t mean the friends who feed our bitterness and validate our desires for vengeance, but those who love us enough to say, “You’re still bitter. It’s time to give them over to God.”
“Lord, give me wisdom to know how to respond when I am wounded, and what true forgiveness looks like. Surround me with friends who will help me in those situations. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Senior Pastor
First Baptist Conroe
More from Pastor Jeff at his website: jeffbergerwriting.com
