October 7, 2026
Wednesday, October 7
As we saw yesterday in Matthew 5:21-26, God expects us to pursue reconciliation with anyone we’ve angered or offended. To be clear: It is not our mission to insure that everyone likes us. Obsessive approval-seeking is a form of idolatry that many of us struggle with. It is the birthplace of misery and moral compromise. Plenty of people hated Jesus, and He promised that we would experience irrational hatred as well. But that’s the point: Jesus never sinned. He never had reason to say, “I’m sorry.” Yet He pursued reconciliation anyway…even with His enemies. How much more, then, should we pursue reconciliation with people we’ve legitimately wronged? As hard as this may be for you to hear, there will always be someone out there who finds you a bit annoying, nails on a chalkboard, not their cup of tea. But no one should be able to say that you hurt them and did not try to make it right.
Notice Jesus doesn’t tell us specifically HOW to reconcile with our brother. I suspect He avoids giving details because every conflict is different. His point is that we should take the initiative. We should go out of our way. It isn’t enough to say, “I tried calling, but he wouldn’t pick up the phone,” or, “I said I was sorry. If she can’t get over it, that’s not my fault.”
Tim Keller, in his excellent book Forgive, outlines three steps to reconciling with someone who is upset with you. Here’s the first:
Confess fully. Come before them with no agenda, no excuses, no defenses, and simply name your sin against them with full honesty. As Keller puts it, you may feel that you’re responsible for only 5% of the problem between the two of you. Maybe you’re right. But you need to take responsibility for your 5%.
Do this in person if at all possible. Trust me on this: Hard conversations only truly work face to face. However, in some cases, a letter or email might be the only option. For instance, they may refuse to see you. Or perhaps they’ve moved away. A couple years ago, I wrote a long email to a person that I knew I’d hurt years before. I’m ashamed to admit, I had years of opportunity to do this in person, and never did. Eventually, they moved to another state, and that chance was gone. One day, the Holy Spirit brought them to my mind, as well as the conflict we’d had, and the terrible, immature way I had handled it (which, I must confess, was far more than 5% of the problem). So I labored over a message of apology, then sent it out into the ether. I heard nothing for weeks. Then one day, I received a long, extremely gracious reply, extending forgiveness.
Even if that hadn’t happened, even if the response had been vindictive, or if there had been no response at all, I would have been glad that God didn’t let me rest until I confessed my part. And so should you.
“Lord, who is there in my life that I need to confess sin against? Bring them to mind, and grant me the wisdom, courage, and humility to take responsibility before them. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Senior Pastor
First Baptist Conroe
More from Pastor Jeff at his website: jeffbergerwriting.com
