September 29, 2026
Tuesday, September 29
In the 1990s, a new kind of TV talk show began to spread like a weed. Formerly, such shows had featured interviews with famous people. Now, they focused on the sorts of relational dysfunction that people used to keep private: A man who refused to admit the baby his pregnant girlfriend carried was his. A woman who had discovered her husband was cheating. Parents upset that their teenaged daughter was dating a middle-aged man. It turned out there was an appetite for watching other people argue. The more extreme the divide between two people (or groups), the higher the ratings. So we gleefully watched people shout obscenities at each other, cheered as their seething hatred devolved into brawls. Our obsession with these shows originated in the same dark place that makes us slow down to see the aftermath of a car wreck.
When Jesus sees us feuding, He is not entertained…He is grieved. And He made it very clear that His people should handle conflict in a distinct way. Not only should we forgive, but we should work toward reconciliation with the person who hurt us. He gave us the instructions in Matthew 18:15-17. Before we can obey, however, we have to admit that we don’t tend to handle things Christ’s way. Instead we react in one of two ways. Those of us who are born with an aggressive personality tend to strike back, quickly and decisively. Sure, we care about the unity of the church and the name of Jesus. But nothing is more important to us than saving face. And that means ensuring that no one messes with us and gets away with it. This is how churches split, by the way.
Those of us who are more conflict-averse usually take a second option: We do nothing. We may call it forgiveness, but we’re holding onto the hurt. And the consequences of our inaction can be, in their own way, just as devastating.
Years ago, in another church, there was a member who I’ll call Ted. Ted had served as a greeter for longer than anyone could remember, and never missed a Sunday. He was in his eighties, kind and softspoken, with an easy sense of humor. But suddenly, Ted stopped coming to church. I sent emails and made phone calls, but he wouldn’t respond. Months passed. One day, I decided to drop in on Ted personally. I could tell by his face that he wasn’t happy to see me, but he did let me in. Finally, after some serious probing, he told me that he’d heard I was planning to run him out of the church. Ted was a very tall man, and supposedly I had bragged, “It’ll be like David slaying Goliath!” I knew that I had never said any such thing. In fact, this was one of the kindest men I knew, and I hated the fact that he thought this. I managed to convince him of the truth, and he came back to church a couple weeks later.
I never found out where Ted heard that story. He refused to tell me. I assume some friend of his was trying to make a joke about the difference in my height and his (“That little preacher’s gonna run you off, big boy” or words to that effect), and he took the joke the wrong way. Either way, it shows what can happen when one believer is hurt by another, and how important it is to seek reconciliation when we’re the one who is hurt. But how do we seek reconciliation? We’ll dive into our passage starting tomorrow.
“Lord, when I am hurt, let me never sit with my pain and let it fester. Help me to forgive, and more than that, to take action to make things right….for my sake and for yours. Amen.”
Senior Pastor
First Baptist Conroe
More from Pastor Jeff at his website: jeffbergerwriting.com
