September 30, 2026
Wednesday, September 30
Hopefully I convinced you yesterday that, even if you see yourself as the wounded party in a conflict, you are still responsible to not only forgive the other person, but (as soon as you are able) to pursue reconciliation with them. How? Matthew 18:15-17 shows the way…
Take the initiative. Jesus starts by saying, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” Yesterday, I shared the story of a friend at a former church who (falsely) heard that I was saying demeaning things about him. I wish that he had come to me as soon as he heard these rumors. He never would have left our church, never would have spent months feeling rejected by the congregation into which he had invested years of his life.
But what about a case of actual guilt? Let’s say, in the course of teasing you, I cross a line. I say something truly offensive and hurtful. In such a case, why should you, the one who was hurt, take the initiative to confront me? Practically speaking, I may not know that I have hurt you. If you don’t speak up, I will assume everything is okay. If you never speak up, healing will never happen.
But there’s a bigger reason for the wounded party to take the first step: We are called to love one another. That, even more than our moral core or our religious devotion, is what should set us apart from unbelievers. As I wrote yesterday, when someone hurts us, the typical human response is to either strike back or withdraw and lick our wounds. Only a follower of Jesus asks himself, “What is the loving thing to do?” Love doesn’t excuse sin, it confronts it.
Let me be clear about this: If I say something inappropriate, either in personal conversation or from the pulpit, I want you to come tell me so. I hope you will do so calmly and in a spirit of love and friendship, but even if you chew me out, that’s better than stewing over your pain privately. Why? Because it gives me a chance to make things right. God is grieved when His children don’t love each other. And so should we be.
Perhaps you’re thinking, “That’s awfully big of you, preacher. But the person who hurt me won’t have that same attitude.” Maybe not. But it’s still the loving thing to do.
“Lord, if I am holding onto resentment, show me how to confront it lovingly; not in a spirit of vengeance or wounded pride, but reconciliation. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
PS: Sadly, I need to include a disclaimer. In recent cases of abuse within a church context, some victims have been criticized for reporting their abusers to authorities, rather than going to them privately, as Matthew 18 teaches. I can’t say this strongly enough: I don’t think that’s what Jesus had in mind. I am confident that He who always took the side of the weaker party would never send a woman who has been assaulted by her pastor to have a one-on-one conversation with him.
Senior Pastor
First Baptist Conroe
More from Pastor Jeff at his website: jeffbergerwriting.com
